This is probably one of the hardest things that we will address throughout our lives. Words that we say to one another has so much power, condemnation, and uplifting to the spirit than we could ever imagine. So, in saying all that, you can only imagine how that would affect your spouse. Husband to wife, wife to husband and even further, parent to child, your words can condemn or encourage.
"When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder where the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark." James 3:3-5
"Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be." James 3:10
That is where the double edged sword of the tongue comes in. On one hand, we can speak about a person in a way that is uplifting not only to them, but to the person we are speaking about them to. On the other hand, we can curse a person by saying such negative things about them, true or untrue. We can have information about a person that is very true about what they have done, but who are we to spread such information in a slanderous manner. Then we all know how that usually turns out most of the time. We start to tell a story and by the time we get done we have fabricated more than half the story which makes a person look so much worse than what actually happened. let's be honest here, it sounds cliche, but take your classic fish tale for example: you may have caught a really big bass, but by the time you finish the story, it was a state record catch. Just sayin. Your intent was probably not to lie or stretch the truth, but as you told the story people became more intrigued and it sounded so much better in your head, so you just ran with it. That example may be silly and your thinking, well I just stretched the truth a little. What happens if the story is more serious. What if your friend lost their job. They may have just gotten laid off from downsizing, but you heard from a friend of a friend that they were actually taking money from the company and trying to cover it up. You don't know for sure, but that's what you were told and well Jane wouldn't lie. Or maybe you heard that they inappropriately touched another coworker. Well, John walked in on them and Wilson was over Mary's shoulder looking at something on the computer and they just looked suspicious when he walked in. Do you realize how much the tongue can influence a situation. Whether great or small, what we say or how we say it or who we say it to, can bring about praise or cursing.
The same can be brought about in our marriages. The way that we speak to each other or about each other can cause so much harm if we are not careful. For example: Used to be when I would come home in a bad mood from something that happened at work, I would take it out on everybody at home. It wouldn't be intentional, but I would be expressing my concerns to my wife and well she wouldn't agree with me or might even say, maybe it's not as bad as you think. Well, guess what, I would just blow up and try to find out why she wasn't on my side, it is as bad as I say it is, you are there to see it, you have no idea what you are even talking about. First of all, what a jerk. If I didn't want her opinion, then I should have just kept my mouth shut in the first place. Or I would just bottle everything up inside and not want to talk. She would know there was something bothering me and try to get me to talk about it. I would then blow up even more because I didn't want to talk in the first place and then she made me get it out and I somehow made it her fault and just ended up ripping her apart for something that happened before. Again, what a monumental jerk I was. She was just trying to help and I all but ripped her head off because I had anger issues and she was there and I knew she would take it. I have had to apologize a lot for doing such things. Humble myself before her and ask for forgiveness. But first I had to ask God to forgive me.
We have to be in control over what comes out of our mouths. Words we say and the way we say them can diffuse a situation or make it take a turn for the worse. The way we express ourselves, body language we call it, or our tone of voice, dictates the way a conversation is going to go. When you have worked a long day and just want to come home and sit down; your wife hits you with something as simple as will you take out the trash? Guys, I've been there, you want to get all riled up, grumble, because you are wondering why she just didn't do it herself. You just worked a 10 hour day and just want to relax. Well it's in your hands, the balls in your court as to how the rest of the night is going to go. So, make your choice: Ruin the whole night by being a jerk about it, or take the high road say "I will" kiss her on the cheek and just head to the garbage can. Who knows, you may have just gotten yourself "lucky" for the night. Grumble and groan and well let's just say doghouse.
I know these examples are kind of silly, but look at how many times we encounter them. No matter how great or small the situation, our responses (the tongue) can lead us down two very different paths. On a greater scale, we have to speak kindly to our spouses.Men you can make your wife feel like a queen or a princess just by the way you address them. They are not the "ole Lady". the "Ball and Chain", the "Old Hag", you get where I'm going. They are your best friend, the mother of your children and the one you said "I Do" to and the one you promised to live the rest of your life with. Women, same for you: your husband doesn't just cut your grass, stain the deck, fix the hanging door, hang that picture, clean out the garage and so on and so on. They are your protector, your knight in shining armor, that hunk that stole your heart with the look from across the room. Treat him that way, encourage him and instead of nagging him, try serving him.
All in all, we have control over how we respect/disrespect each other in our relationships. Before you speak, be slow to anger, slow to listen and take a deep breath before you respond to your spouse. Give them life giving words and do not curse them. Respect one another, lift each other up and most of all, keep that fire kindled that brought you all together in the first place.
"The power of life and death are in the tongue." Proverbs 18:21
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