No Judgement

Ok, so we kicked off this page and we are very excited about the response we have had so far.  Only God knows what all we are going to accomplish in this journey.  That being said we have listened to your feedback and with their permission sharing a comment we received from someone who saw our page...

Speaking as a divorced person this post is quite offensive. To say that divorce is not an option is closed minded and short sided. Not everyone in this life is given the choice to decide whether or not it is an option. There are many situations that make the decision for you no matter what you want in life. While I support the basic concept of the group, I would prefer to see it be a bit more understanding that this world is not black and white and not everyone fits into a nice little box. Life is messy and ugly most of the time and you should consider yourselves blessed that you haven't been touched by that ugliness, but don't punish those of us that have. And FYI, I believe with everything that I am, that God let me out of my marraige and back into his arms where I belonged.

While we will not address every comment against something we say, we did want to address this one due to the fact that we are just starting out. We want people who do not know us personally to understand our intentions.  Our response to this person was this:

First of all I would like to apologize for offending you. Second I will say thank you for your post for making us aware of how this is being taken again we apologize for that. You are 100% correct in that you are forgiven and loved! I don’t know the details of your past but I want to be perfectly clear in stating if someone is being physically abused we absolutely support them walking away from a marriage for their safety. We are also not naïve enough to think that there are not times when one spouse chooses to leave and leaves the other with no choice. However we are hoping to change the minds of all the people feeling like they have no other choice. What we are trying to say is; It should not be something decided on just because people “fell out of love” or can’t overcome a conflict. Finally I will say please don’t make the mistake of judging my marriage by appearance. We are not blessed because we haven’t had ugliness. We are purely blessed because we are allowing God to use our mess to create a message.

We are not here to judge anyone who has been divorced, that is far from our intentions.  What we are here for is to help encourage you to keep your marriage strong, loving and healthy as God intended it to be.  There are people who are desperately searching for another way and we want to help lead them in that direction.  Taking away the special circumstances noted above, divorce is NEVER the best option.
Just a few statistics to show why we are so firm on this statement.

• One out of 10 children of divorce experiences three or more parental marriage breakups. (Gallagher -The Abolition of Marriage)
• 40% of children growing up in America today are being raised without their fathers. (Wade, Horn and Busy, -Fathers, Marriage and Welfare Reform, Hudson Institute Executive Briefing, 1997)
• Studies in 1980 - 1981 uncovered that children in repeat divorces got lower results at school. The other children of their age rated them as less pleasant to be around. (Andrew J. Cherlin, -Marriage, Divorce, Remarriage– Harvard University Press 1981)
• Teenage children of divorce are three times more likely (35% instead of 13%) to need psychological help within a given year. (Peter Hill - Recent Advances in Selected Aspects of Adolescent Development- Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry 1993)
• Children from divorced homes have more psychological problems, than children from which one of the parents has died. (Robert E. Emery,- Marriage, Divorce and Children's Adjustment- Sage Publications, 1988).
• Life expectancies for divorced men and women are significantly lower than for married people (who have the longest life expectancies). 
• A recent study found those who were unhappy but stay married were more likely to be happy five years later than those who divorced.
• The health consequences of divorce are so severe that a Yale researcher concluded that “being divorced and a nonsmoker is [only] slightly less dangerous than smoking a pack a day and staying married.” 
• After a diagnosis of cancer, married people are most likely to recover, while the divorced are least likely to recover, indicating that the emotional trauma of divorce has a long-term impact on the physical health of the body.
• Men and women both suffer a decline in mental health following divorce, but researchers have found that women are more greatly affected. Some of the mental health indicators affected by divorce include depression, hostility, self-acceptance, personal growth and positive relations with others.

If you have been divorced, our God is a forgiving God and by his Grace these statistics have and can be overcome. If you are in the middle of a divorce now and you have the choice, take a step back, breathe and truly think about whether this is the best option for everyone involved. (It's called unconditional love that Christ has called us to.) If you are happily married now well, walk with us and let us give you some pointers we have learned lately on how to improve your marriage to make it absolutely the happiest you can be outside of heaven.




There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. – Romans 8:1


Yours Truly,
D and Ali